Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Paranoid Preggo


They said it is normal for pregnant women to worry a lot about the baby and its well-being. Especially first time moms as everything is new and exciting and scary at the same time. I say, in this very unpredictable world, who wouldn't worry?

I worry a lot that's what my hubby always tells me (and he would even add: "Actually you worry a lot about everything not just about the pregnancy). How comforting isn't it? Well, I don't worry A LOT about EVERYTHING! (my hubby always exaggerates) but I must admit, I do worry a lot about my baby. I often stare at my belly and wonder "Is everything ok in there?". I stop and roll my eyes from left to right trying to concentrate and understand every little thing that I'd feel different. If I feel a little pain somewhere in the abdomen, my heart would skip and think, is this some sign something's not going ok in there? Then I'd rummage through the internet and see what other pregnant women's experience about this. Then I'd make note of it and make sure to ask the OB on my next prenatal visit. Paranoia, ignorance whatever that is called... that's me! If I don't gain weight for a period of time or so, I'd worry. But I'm pretty sure that if I gain weight more than what's recommended for a month, I'd worry more too. I am soo keen to following every letter that my midwife or OB tells me to do... sometimes, overly keen that I worry if I am doing things the right way. Craziness, isn't it? I just feel so responsible for my baby's health and well-being and I don't want any mistake that will harm him... but I do realize sometimes that worrying too much wouldn't help either... probably would even make things worse.

I notice this when I started to suddenly wake up in the morning, would abruptly look at my belly and wonder where's my baby? what happened? Lying in my back, my tummy feels small at this time and waking up so suddenly looking at my seemingly flat belly just scares me and would make me think my baby's gone. Of course I'd snap out of it after a few seconds and realize that's just silly of me. But all day long, I would just wish I have my own ultra sound unit to look at my baby and see how he's doing anytime I want to. Or just watch him all day moving around my tummy.

I know. Bad. I am really trying not to worry. But it's just so inevitable for me. The least I can do is talk it out. I tell my husband whatever worry I have and no matter how silly it may sound. He'd laugh at me many times and would always tell me "Believe me, the baby's doing OK. I can feel the baby is doing just fine. I can imagine him having the time of his life inside, dancing and kicking. Being the father, I just know. So stop worrying" How valiant, isn't he? I would just sigh. But I know he's right.
He worries too though. Only, not as absurd as I do. One day while he was about to leave home for work, he heard me coughing while I was still in the bed. He had already closed the door by that time. He went down the elevator, entered the garage with uneasiness in his tummy. He couldn't go as he was thinking what if I was coughing and having too much hard time or what if I choked. So he hurried back to our apartment, went upstairs and checked on me in our room. I was sleeping and was awaken by his gentle kisses on my shoulder. He was asking me "Are you OK, hon?" I just said yes and didn't really realize that he was asking if I was ok because of the coughing. Later on that day he told me how he got worried and had to go back to check on me. I think he worries too much just like me but at the same time, it's really sweet of him.

Now that this worrying-too-much thing is in the air, I'll really try even more not to be a paranoid preggo. My baby's going to be fine... we will be fine. I always have to remember over and over what my midwife has told me from the last prenatal check up I had. The baby is healthy developing well. That should be my chant every morning I wake up :)

Tummy's getting bigger now and I am getting more excited. With tummy getting bigger, I developed a new habit... caressing my tummy :) ... while worrying. Joke!

at 13 weeks and 5 days

2 comments:

  1. Ang laki na lhot!!! I'm truly so happy for you and Manuel. Having a hobby might help turn a little bit of your focus away from the baby.

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  2. Thanks, Leng! :) Oo nga, tama ka... I'm super obsessed. One night sabi ko kay Manuel punta na kami emergency kasi I was having too many abdominal cramps. Buti na lang kalmado si Manuel tanong nya ako kung may spotting daw ba ako. Sab ko wala naman.. so sabi nya relax lang daw ako at normal lang na may cramps.. sinabi rin kasi ng midwife yun sa amin eh :-D

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