Sunday, May 30, 2010

Motherhood is Here

Tala  - Our Little Spanish Pinay is now 5 weeks and 3 days.  It has been a roller coaster ride for us first time parents.  It has been fun, scary, thrilling, overwhelming, magical and whole lot more of emotions and it will be like that for as long as we are her parents.  

I was one of those typical can't-wait-to-be-a-mom kind of woman.  I've never played make-believe of me walking down the altar like many little girls but I did play make-believe of me pregnant and then breastfeeding my baby.  I love babies.  I love kids.  I like playing with them and talking to them and listening to them.  I always thought I am destined to be a mom and with my experience taking care of my other 4 younger siblings, I was too confident I'll do just fine taking care of my own baby.   Now that the make-believe has come to reality, the confidence faded away.  I was in euphoria the first time I laid my eyes on her.  While we were in the hospital, staring at her was my past time but upon going back home, I felt that my recovery has been slow due to the emergency cesarian I had to undergo (I was so hoping I wouldn't have cesarian by the way).  My movements has been limited and thus couldn't do much for our little one.  I felt incompetent as a mom for 3 weeks.  I so wish my mom or one of my siblings was here to help me out.  I felt all the more homesick and defeated by the situation.  I kept on thinking what did I get this little creature into.  She so not deserve this. I worried so much whether she's ok or not, if I am making her feel not ok because I'm not taking care of her the right way, etc.  No one has told me it'll be easy but one couldn't really understand well how difficult it can get until they're on the actual situation.  The so-called baby blues has afflicted me.  

But God has always been there for me and he has given me a husband that supports me beyond 100 percent.  He had been my pilar of strength the whole time I was physically and emotionally weak.  As a first time father, he was doing impressively well.  He has all the patience, dedication and love our little one just needs.  After his 15days paternity leave, he asked for another 2  weeks vacation leave to be with me and take care of me and Tala.  This has helped me a lot to recover and feel more confident that everything's fine.  Tala will be fine.

Fast forward to present, I've now recovered from my baby blues,  Manuel is back to work and I am 24x7 with my little angel.  I'm still too worried about her but now, I am more level-headed about these worries.  My poor baby is now more adjusted to the drastic change of her environment.  I wouldn't say everything is easy and manageable now.  There are still some difficult days especially when she's suffering from such painful gases she can't expel.  Our house is still a mess since I don't really have much time to clean up and organize.  But for now, I don't care much about it.  Tala is my main priority.  Especially now that she has started communicating more with her smiles and goo-goos.  It melts my heart every morning she'd greet me with her ear-to-ear toothless smile.  Whenever I feel her eyes locked on me, I just feel like I'm the luckiest woman on earth.

As I type my thoughts right now, our little Spanish Pinay is sleeping soundly.  I've glanced her as many times as there are words in this blog.  She's smiling on her sleep.  She's moving and seems to be waking up but would soon go back to zzz.  She looks so peaceful.  Makes me want to kiss her soundly and hug her tightly.

Motherhood.  I'm finally on it :)

1 comment:

  1. You really moved me hon with those words. You are the best mom that Tala could have, and I am sure she will realise one day how lucky she is for having you always at her side, as only a mom can be.

    To me you are not only the perfect mom for our daughter but also the most precious gift, a gift which Tala is the ribbon that makes it more beautiful and our bonds stronger.

    We are a bigger family now :)


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