Next phase: Daycare?

So we have decided to send Little Spanish Pinay to daycare.  Not for her to learn how to socialize but because she's such an active, happy, eager to learn toddler.  My idea of homeschooling her for at least her 3rd yr is unfortunately really hard to do.  Honestly? I feel defeated that I simply can't do it all.  I've been trying but, the hard truth is?  I am not a supermom.  But I'm over that.  I've come to accept that there can be other people who can share and help her learn new things, explore, discover and just play around with and enjoy things with. 

So, with a bit of a heavy heart and a growing knot in my stomach, hubby and I started looking around for a good daycare.  We have visited 3 so far and the last one we have visited, has been my favorite. It did seem like it's LSP's favorite too.  She liked the place at once, moved around and played with the toys.  She talked to the director of the daycare with enthusiasm (she is usually shy at the beginning and wouldn't talk), she ran around the center, went up the slide, slid down her own, squeealed and yelled with excitement.

The daycare has a blog as well  where parents can see the activities the kids have been doing.  As I was reading the blog and looking at the picture, my stomach started getting knotty again and my throat, lumpy.  I'm such a wuss.  It's like all of a sudden my baby has become a real full-time grown child - and it feels like this has just happened overnight. I know I've been talking about LSP as a toddler, etc but because technically she's already a toddler ever since she entered 1 - it's just how toddlers are called when they enter one and start toddling.  BUT this time? it's like she's really developed her wings and would start to fly away from her nest and will just come back whenever.  Ok, it's not whenever, whenever coz she's coming back on schedule but you know what I mean.

She won't start till September coz that's the start of the school year here so I still have about 3 months to enjoy more time in a day with her.  I've already asked for a week's vacation on the first week of September so I can also adjust well but it seems like it is going to be a little bit complicated with work.  We'll see.  Maybe heaven will pity me and make my bosses agree on giving me a week vacation leave.  But I am not putting my hopes too high.

I just have too many what-ifs and worries (hello! what's new?).  I'm not really used to having her away from me for more than 2 hours in a day.  Whenever she feels uncomfortable, mami comes to the rescue with a hug, a kiss and the power of boobies.  She has never, ever taken her nap without nursing first.  How is she going to take her nap in the daycare?

I know, she's going to adjust and will enjoy her time with other kids playing and learning with her. 

Maybe she will adjust better than I would. 

Tell me I am over-dramatizing things?

The one where she wants me to be far from her

A couple of weeks ago (or maybe that's 3 weeks ago already), we have celebrated Little Spanish Pinay's second year birthday. It is only now, it sinked to me that my baby is not a baby anymore.  She's in her halfway towards leaving toddlerhood.  Although she's still afflicted with mamtis, she's showing interest on independence more and more. 

Yesterday, when we were in the park, she wanted to go to the slide alone.  While this is not the first time, it's quite different this time though.  She wanted us to be far away from the slide.

The picture above is how far she asked us to stay away from the slide.  She kept pushing us and telling us LSP sola! LSP sola! (LSP on her own! LSP on her own!).  If we ever move one step closer, she'd scream and would run towards us to push us even farther.  She was asking me, her mami whom she has been sooooo clingy with, to step back and just let her be.  I've my mouth agape.

While my heart was thumpity-thumping nervously watching her go up and down the slide, it swells with pride at the same time

Now, we are eyeing for her to join a daycare.  Originally, I wanted her to stay with me till about 3yrs old and just go straight to pre-school.  In a perfect world of mine even, I was imagining her to stay with me at home till about 7yrs then she'll go straight to grade school.  But with my full-time day job, I can't focus on her and spend more time with her. 

She's a child with big appetite for learning and discovering.  She has a huge reserve of energy that needs to be channeled to different activities otherwise it just gets wasted then she gets bored then she gets fuzzy.

I cannot say I am ready for this.  About 4 months ago,  out Little Spanish Pinay felt for the first time how is it to be in a daycare.  She entered the area, without looking back, followed the care giver everywhere she went, went to the explore the toys by herself, observed the different kids in the daycare, etc.  She didn't show any sign of anxiety - just pure curiosity.  She did have a serious face all through out though.  She was very attentive with everything around her.  She seemed to be ready for a real daycare.  But not me.  She's growing and I must too... so we'll see how the search for a daycare will be and how will I adapt to the new schedule.  This will mean I'd have to organize myself in the morning so my work and schedule may fit to the hours that she'll have to be in the daycare. 

We'll see, we'll see.  I hope everything works out well.