Parenting Blog Award: The Positive Parental Participation Blog Award

The Positive Parental

Participation Blog Award

Ages ago (yes, that's exaggeration), lovely Vivian has tagged me with this parenting award she herself has started.  I've had been given some blogging awards but this one is yet to be the most important and most appreciated one for me.  Vivian has started this award to give recognition to bloggers who, she believes exemplifies the tenants of Positive Parental Participation (words borrowed from her).

See, being a parent is for me, above any other role that I have right now.  I am really dedicated (sometimes obsessed) to be not just a good parent to our daughter but also one that is gentle and one that provides positive participation.  I deeply believe on positive and gentle disciplining and being really there, present and fully participating with her, whenever given the opportunity.

Of course, there's always a struggle.  At the time that Vivian has told me she got this award for me, I was in that moment when I was feeling insufficient as a parent, as a mom.  We were in that phase that meltdowns and tantrums and less sleep is very common at home and so I'd often find myself always on the edge and snapping every minute.

So when Vivian told me about the award, it nearly broke me into tears. It was just so timely.  I felt guilty at first as I thought I didn't deserve this but then I took it as a challenge... a gentle reminder of what I have told myself the kind of parent I want to be.

Again, I'd like to really thank Vivian for thinkking of me!  You always continue to serve as an inspiration to me.

I've been meaning to write about this post but couldn't find time as usual. But finally, I was able to do it :) and of course I'm going to pass this award along to other parents who I believe exemplifies the tenants of Positive Parental Participation.

Please feel free visit Vivan's article about it.  You can also continue to browse her other articles as you will surely pick a lot of things about activities, picture books and other things you can share with your children to have some quality bonding for positive parental participation :)

In reality, I have a very long list of bloggers to pass this award but I will start off with a short list as otherwise, I'd be making the longest blog entry of my life  :)  I do know that these wonderful bloggers below will be passing this award to other deserving mom/dad bloggers.

1. Kristeta of Kalokang Pinay sa Ukay -  She's one sweet mama and girl friend.  We haven't met in person but I do feel like I've known her personally for a long time now.  We do have so much in common in terms of parenting views and life situation in general.  I can almost see myself in her as a mother for her cute Jace... not to mention that Jace is also very similar to our Little Spanish Pinay. Jace is one lucky little fellow for having this uber sweet-thoughtful-baking-goddess mom.  It's always a pleasure to viber with her :)

2. Em of Akira and Everything Nice - She's my idol in breastfeeding. More than 3yrs now and still breastfeeding! If that is not one of the tenants of positive parental participation, then I don't know what it is :)  It always make me smile when she talks about her lovely daughter as it would always picture how she adores her and that she's all for her. 

3. Annmarie of Mom to 8 Blog - She's a mom to 8 children! All raised so well.  She has such a positive and simple outlook in life that is simply an inspiration to me.  Her entries are most of the time short, funny and full of good insight.  It's always a pleasure to read her articles.  My favorites are about her conversations with her children!

4.  Mamas TodoTerreno - Behind this blog are two equally dashing mamas, Rebecca and Ava. This is one of the few blogs in spanish that I regularly check and read.  I love how they both create a positive and loving environment for their children.  I love the activities and the crafts they both do with their children. Many times, I'd steal their ideas ;-)

5. Madi of Entre Apuntes y Pañales - Another one of the few spanish blogs I read. What can I say, this young and dedicated mom is all giving.  She has a toddler just like me and I can always relate with her experiences on the terrible two phase.  I love the way she handles this difficult situation gently.  And now that she has been gifted with another adorable baby girl, I really don't know how she's doing all what she's doing now.  She's doing it so wonderfully... a total pro ;-)  Oh, let's not forget that she's a babywearer!

6.  Faye of Fighting For Maia and Turning Dreams to Reality - I have just recently met this mom through her blogs and I was already captured by her story.  As she puts it: I am alive because I became a mom. And for that I will fight to live so Maia can have a mother.  Those are such beautiful words.  She's a survivor, a doting mama who would overcome anything and everything for her little one... even cancer.

 7. Pepper of Days In aWagon - This artsy mom is also a heartsy.  Her gentleness and love for her little A is pasted all over her blog.  Her little family is adorable and her positive parenting participation is evident with how her little A is growing to be a really nice, sweet and well rounded little girl.  They have such a sweet, sweet bond and I'm looking forward to having the same kind of bond with my own daughter as she grows.

I could add more on this list but I'll keep it short and let the award roll from one mom/dad to another.

Author, educator and parenting speaker, Vivian Kirkfield: Is Your Child Being Bullied?

I am really excited to share this clip of a short interview of Vivian Kirkfield by 9News TV. She has stated great tips on detecting whether your child is being bullied at school:

   Vivian is also the author of this equally amazing book: Show Me How! Build Your Child's Self-Esteem Through Reading, Crafting and Cooking

I have personally own (with Vivian's authograph, nothing less!!) and read this book and been trying some of the activities with my little one.  It is surely one way to spend quality time with your children and be involved with them.  Getting involved with your children can also help them be more confident of themselves and open to communication with us, parents.  This may also help them easily talk to us when they experience bullying at shool.

 

p.s. I am a fan of Vivian :)

Behind the Scenes of Terrible Two

I wrote about us officially going through the terrible-two phase about three months ago.  When parents would say Oh, we are on the terrible phase now - the normal reaction is an empathetic with a sorry-feeling "uffff, let's hope she'll go past that soon..."
Terrible two phase has such a negative conotation like it's a hurricane one need to be prepared for.  The tantrums, the fits, the meltdowns are thought to be the protagonists of this phase but I'd say they are actually the antagonists.  These antagonists often overshadow the other milestones and wonderful changes in this phase.  When we normally here the phrase terrible-two, we hiss and grit our teeth and do the empathetic bending of head sideways followed by a non-verbal-poor-parents pout.

It seems that every emotion of a 2-yr old toddler is hightened to a ten-fold level - not only the anger and the frustrations but also the happiness, the excitement, the empathy, the sadness, the admiration, the surprise, the anticipation... every.single.emotion. And that is not exactly an unfortunate thing.

I, for one, have been wishing that this "terrible two" phase would be over soon... I was getting clouded by the frustrations and pressure of her meltdowns and for many parts, failed to see pass this behavior.  All I was seeing was her tantrums and meltdowns especially upon waking up from her naps and I just couldn't understand where are these coming from. I was feeling helpless and finding myself defeated.  I am really thankful that I have a husband who knows when to step in and help me see beyond what is just obvious.

At 2 yrs old (or maybe a little earlier), children are discovering tons of great new abilities, interests and a whole new exciting stimulants around them.  This is what is exactly happening to our Little Spanish Pinay.  She's been learning new abilities and independence that most often than not, she doesn't know where to start and at the same time she feels like she can even do more when she's still limited with some of her physical abilities.  She wants to explore everything and do everything at the same time because y'all? These are all new and in the eyes of a 2-yr old, eager to absorb everything the world can teach her, she.must.try.everything.because.she.can.  So, imagine the frustration and disappointment if met with sudden limitations... can be too much for a 2-yr old to handle.

But on the other side of the coin, where her needs to discover, to explore and to express herself are met, it's a whole new world ala Jasmin and Aladin in their flying carpet.  Even for us parents.  Seeing her squeal and open her mouth in such awe and excitement upon arriving at her favorite park is beyond joy.  Receiving an unexpected hug and brute kiss from her (even if it means she'd step on my foot and head-butt on my nose) is a reward to keep for life.  When she tells different stories on her words with ultra cute and funny expressions, our hearts are filled with laughter filled with admiration.  These moments would then make me wish she'd be in this phase forever or she'd carry over this characteristics on to different phases of her development.

One time, she was eating her sandwich and suddenly she wrapped it around her dress smudging it with tuna and cheese. With my hand on my head, first in my brewing tempter was the dress! the stain! the work needed to remove the stain! As I tell her that this is not right to do, she defensively tried to tell me El tawiks tiene frio! (The sandwich is feeling cold!)  She was definitely playing one of her make-believes games.  She then told me that it's a baby tawiks (sandwish) and therefore it's cold.

I couldn't get mad with this 2-yr old just trying to explore on her imagination (tender andcompassionate if I may add).  The ruined dress? I can just exhale a big sigh.  I told her that the baby sandwich is now fine and prefers to be eaten by her because it will never feel cold inside her tummy.  It took her a few seconds to digest what I just said and told me no and a a lot of thumping and crying.  Yeah, I know another sigh.  I figured she's not hungry anymore so I took the sandwich and told her that the baby sandwich needs her mommy sandwich so we have to bring her to the mommy.  It took a bit while to convince her but in the end, she agreed. I gave her her doll so she can continue to play-mommy.  This hasn´t been the first time this happened and by the looks of it, it wouldn't be the last.  Yesterday, she wrapped a lollipop with her trench coat.... with the same story.

It wouldn't be easy and I am sure that there will be times(many) that I will lose my composure and just see the mess that's been made but knowing and understanding what's behind her different behaviors, it'll help me see passed the tantrums and the meltdowns and the messing around the house.  It's not that she misbehaves rather, she's just a 2-yr old filled with life and emotions and hunger to learn and explore her environments, her abilities and her own limitations. And my role? Participate and help foment his development through discovering, experimenting and playing.

Quest Post re Attachment Parenting

It's been a difficult week for all of us three mainly because we were sick.  This crazy weather has been really a pain in the bottom.  The day after Little Spanish Pinay's 2nd year birthday celebration, she got sick with colds and fever and then the next day, both hubby and I fell for the same virus.  Thankfully, the little one was able to recover fast... not hubby and I though.  It's been more than a week and hubby and I are still as bad (or worse) as the first day we got the colds.  So that explains the scarcity of my posts and blog visits.

But if you do miss me, I have a guest post on Anne's blogsite at Green Eggs and Mom's regarding Attachment Parenting.  It's currently getting interesting comments so if you'd like to join in, please hop on over to Anne's site.  While there, you can also browse around her other articles.  They are all very informative and give a lot of take-aways especially for moms.

I'll see you there!

Product Review and Give Away: Copy-Kids

Little Spanish Pinay's nanny made an interesting comment before they went out for a walk this morning.  She said: "I can never understand those moms I see in the park." She said this with a strong ridicule in her voice. Surprised, I asked why.  She said: "Those moms that follow their kids everywhere carrying spoon with food and pleading for them to eat.  They tick me off. Can't they just leave their child alone and let them play?"  I kind of hesitated whether to respond something or not but I felt that I should in defense of moms.  I gues it is easy for other people to judge what moms do for their kids but if they only know how to widen their understanding about different situations, then there'll be no room for a bit harsh comments like this.

If I am a mom of a picky-eater or a no-eater, I know for sure I'd do ANYTHING just for my child to eat something except push or force them to eat.  If  following them everywhere she goes in a playground with the food in my hand would make them eat even just a little bit, I'd do it.  If cutting vegetables into interesting shapes would make her eat them, I'd do it.  If singing and dancing in front of her while she eats will make her eat her portion, I'd do it.  ANYTHING.  That is, any trick I can get my hands on.  No forcing as I don't want her to relate eating as a negative experience - that'll just make things all the worse. Eating should always be fun!  I've heard of advices on just letting the kid and have them just come to you when they feel hungry because they would anyways.  While this is true, there are still cases of kids that can even pass hunger by just drinking water or juice.   With a little more effort, we as parents can do certain things to encourage our kids not just to eat but to eat healthy and if there is something I can do, I'll do it. 

Fortunately, I don't really catergorize Little Spanish Pinay as a picky-eater - she does eat a good variety of food.  But I still would love her to learn to eat more varieties of vegetables and fruits. Most especially, I'd like her to learn to eat fresh apples, grapes, oranges, baby carrots (she eats cooked carrots), etc.   No matter how we tried, she never liked apples.  It would also make me a happy mom is she eats a little bit bigger of a portion.  Right now, I do not worry much (like my level of worry is about 6 out of 10 being 10 as the highest) because she still nurses and I know that the breastmilk gives a very good compliment for her current diet.  But the moment she stops nursing though and the amount of food she takes daily would still be like how it is now, I definitely would start to worry more.

One day though, while we are in a play date, my friend's daughter D (4months younger than LSP) started to eat her snack.  She was eating grapes.  I was amazed because she eats it like them alone (peeled and seedless) without fuss.  LSP was never really fond of grapes but when she saw D eating grapes, she started telling me she wants grapes too.  My friend gave her grapes from D's plate.  LSP put one in her mouth, made a face but chewed and swallowed and asked for more!  I was ecstatic (but enbarrassed at the same time because LSP is robbing some snacks from her playmate).  My friend gave some more grapes to LSP and she happily ate more!   I realized that kids seeing other kids eat healthy food is contagious because kids love to copy!  Especially toddlers.   I thought back then that if I can only borrow my friend's daughter every meal time, it would be really great.  But of course, that can't happen.

Until I've discovered Copy-Kids Eat Fruit and Vegetables DVD.  So, all you moms (and dads) out there especially those with picky eaters, read on! It is a compilation of videos of kids eating different fruits and vegetables.  It is a genious idea, really.  When I got a copy, I immediately watched it and was so engrosed with the cute toddlers in each video catergory.  The videos are unscripted.  They're just like normal home-videos of kids taken by parents but with high quality.  It's like that part of Modern Family where each member is interviewed minus the script.  I love the spontaneity and quirkiness of the kids, they literally made me laugh out loud everytime.  Side note:  I definitely love kids and watching the video, made me dream all the more of having my own daycare. 

 Additional bonus is an interview with renowned pediatrician Dr. Jay Goron, MD, FAAP, author of Good Food Today, Great Kids Tomorrow.  He answered each interview question with short but very informative statements.  Nothing boring.  I popped in the DVD, watched it for myself and finished the whole 115 minutes in one sitting! The Outtakes (spoofs) video will also make you laugh and want to pro-create again because of these kids' cuteness LOL.  I did! Made me want to eat those kids in the video. My husband kept asking me what was I laughing about.  I made him keep guessing :-D He couldn't come over to see because he was working haha! (Of course later on I told him what was I laughing about.. I am not super evil).

The following day I tried it on Little Spanish Pinay.  To be honest? I was kind of hesitant about it.  I have a fierce child and when she says she doesn't like something?  There is no way in the world you can convince her to say otherwise.  So ok, we started the "trial" video watching.  I peeled carrots, cut them in small portions (I didn't have baby carrots so I just used the normal ones... next time I promise to buy baby carrots). and put them in a small plastic bowl.  When she saw the kids, her face lit up (she loves kids).  The DVD menu is composed of different fuits and vegetables.  I clicked on carrots. With a super animated voice, I started telling her look how Mattea is eating carrots. She loves to repeat the names of teach kid being shown in the video.  Then I told her, oh wow, LSP has carrots too... look!  She smiled, picked one carrot, the continued watching with an amused smile on her face.

OK, so the result?  She started eating the raw carrots!  Not just once, but she repeated when she was done with the first one.  I was ecstatic.  Later on in the evening, I tried another fruit.  I only have plum in my ref (as well as pear and bananas but she does eat both so I had to try plum without pealing them), so I washed one, and put it in a small bowl.  Plum is not included in the list of fruits in the video but I figured if she sees the kids eating, she'll want to eat too so whatever she'd have in hands might do.  I was right.  She ate the whole thing.  Peel included!

Funny thing is that she not only copied the "eating" but also some cuteness that the kids in the video do.  This Kid Audrey is too darn cute.  In one of the videos, she was covering both of her eyes and then counting silently like as if she's playing hide and seek.  Later at night, when I was putting LSP down to sleep, she started doing what Audrey was doing.  It is amazing how kids copy!
Copy-Kids has given me a sample of their DVD for review but the opinion and review in this article are all mine and very honest and from real experience ;-)

Wait, Copy-Kids has been kind enough to give another copy of their DVD to one of you! Enter to win!!!

Show Me How: A book an attached parent will surely love

The wonderful side of blogging is getting to know other wonderful bloggers, learning things from them and at the same time getting the chance of helping out or supporting wonderful projects or products.

I for one, already have a long list of favorite bloggers whom I follow and read on a daily basis (when time permits).   One of them is someone I admire because of her principle towards helping children build their self-esteem.  Hubby and I support attachment parenting which is a kind of parenting that centralizes on trusting the child and respecting their needs and providing them appropriately. 

When I first read Vivian Kirkfield, her book caught my attention.  It is a book that help their children build self-esteem through different crafts and activities that parents can participate in.  I believe that children needs, more than anything else, to spend tons and tons of quality time parents can give them.  A child able to spend every single moment with his parents even in the absence of toys can be the happiest child there can be.

In this time and age though, it is common that both parents work 40 hours a week.  By the time we come home, we are left with maybe about 2 hours (or maybe even less) play time with our children and then off to bed already.  So we are just normally left with the weekend to spend more quality time with them.  For most household economy, it is inevitable that both parents have they full-time day job, like ours but it doesn't mean that we are doomed as parents.  We can always make the best out of the whatever time we can spend with our chidren.  Make it something really fun, at the same time educational and making them value their strength and qualities.  Parents participating in this kind of activities with their children help children feel more appreciated and loved. 

Can be bought directly at Postive Parental Participation website

This is what Vivian's book help parents get ideas on different activities, crafts, recipes and books to read for their children.  It is obvious that Vivian has poured so much care and love into this wonderful book being a parent herself (now a grandmother too!) and a former kindergarted educator.

As what many already know, I am an advocate of attachment parenting and this kind of book is one example of a product that supports attachment parenting.  It is centered on how us parents can help our children build their self-esteem by spending quality, fun-filled, educational activities WITH them.  I've also known Vivian through blogging.  She's one of the few that frequents my blog and leaves heartfelt and well-thought comments.  Reading her articles also reveal the kind of loving and sensitive person that she is.  I definitely admire people that values children as much as Vivan values and cares for them.

So with Vivian's permission,  I'd like to promote her book.  Please take time to visit her website.  Her book is also available in Amazon.

We Are All Habiba

Habiba is a Moroccan young mother how lives in Madrid and had her then-15month baby taken away from her without her consent.  The reason? Because she breastfeeds on demand and refuses to stop breastfeeding after 15months of doing so.  Habiba is one of the those less-fortunate immigrants here in Spain and due to this sitation, she lives with her baby in a women's shelter in Madrid.  The shelter is called Instituto Madrileño del Menor y la Familia - IMMF (Madrid Institute of Children and the Family). Habiba had the surprise of her life when she was told that she can no longer stay in the shelter because she no longer has a child.  Her child was taken away from her right after she left the child in a daycare!

Now, anyone in her rightful mind would say this is totally wrong!  This has happened May 31 and I've been reading and following the news about this case.  The moment I read about it, I was enraged.  I felt pain for the mother.  I can't imagine how Habiba is going through, but I know she's hurting tremendously.  I am in utter disbelief with what IMMF has done.  They even try to justify their act by declaring that Habiba is a violent person and refused to undergo psychotherapy and maternal abilities program in the shelter.  Records of her being violent? Zero.  Habiba is not only a breastfeeding mom but an extended-breastfeeding mom.  I can't imagine a mom tenderly chosing to breastfeed her 15month old baby being violent.

What I Am Not Proud Of

I am second to the eldest among children of 6.  Between my eldest sibling and I, I am the one "more disciplinarian" when it comes to my younger siblings especially to our youngest.  There are 15 years difference between my youngest brother and I.  Or is it 16 years? Doesn't matter.  But what I am trying to get into writing to this entry is how I have disciplined my youngest brother back then.  Why am I disciplining my younger brother back then, you may ask? In the Philippines, part of our culture for younger siblings to have big respect to their older siblings and older siblings tend to be authoritative over the younger siblings.  And that's good especially the part of being respectful to older siblings.  But then the latter part has a dangerous part in it... see the supposed "authority" may be abused.  And I may have to admit that I have abused mine perhaps, misused or overly imposed.

I've seen how my mom takes care of all 6 of us and with my younger siblings, I'd see her sometimes having a hard time between keeping the house clean and taking care of us.  She gets really tired and when my younger siblings on top of that, misbehaves or does not obey her, it drives me batty and I'd interupt pretending to help my mom or at least take her "off load" from the task of disciplining my siblings.  And I can get hard on them :(.  Now that I am already a mom myself, those memories of disciplining my siblings makes me feel ashame of myself.  My husband and I chose attachment parenting for our Little Spanish Pinay and the more I get to understand how attachement parenting is and my babies or kids act this way or that, the more these memories of disciplining my younger siblings flashes back before my eyes and gives me a tremendous feeling of guilt.

Not that I have hit my younger siblings until they bleed or leave them bruises or anything like that to be categorized as legal child abuse.  But I have yelled at them.  I have refused to listen to what they have to say.  I have insisted on having them finish their food down to the last grain.  I've forced my youngest brother to go upstairs (almost dragging him through the stairs while he cries) and make him stay in the room until he is able to "reflect" on his "wrong action".  I smacked his palm as what is termed nowadays as occasional spanking as a form of discipline.  And although my intention is for him to learn something for his own good, no, I can't and will not use that to justify what way of disciplining him.  All I can do is recognize that I have done wrong, chose the wrong direction and be ashamed about it and most of all never do these things to my own child.  I thank God that my wrong decisions didn't cause serious damage to my siblings especially to my youngest brother.  And I still have a very good relationship with them.  I even receive a great amount of respect from them which I may not deserve.  Because children, are forgiving naturally.  That is the wonderful truth.

Am I saying that I will never hit my child even occassionally to discipline her when she's misbehaving? Yes.  I know it will be hard as anyone can lose his/her patience when faced with all the pressure of the day's tasks and a child's misbehavior.  But I will do everything I can to avoid hitting her even in the slightest manner... including not to raise my voice.  It will be a hard task and I am sure, being human, there will be times that things may go out of my control.

Will I spoil my child by choosing this direction of disciplining her?  No I don't think so.  I am not saying either that we'll just let it go everytime our little one do something wrong or something dangerous for her or for the people around her.  We are choosing positive discipline along with providing all the respect, affection, attention and encouragement that she needs.

I am not trying to make a conflict about this at all and I am not trying to say that parents who choose occasional spanking to discipline their children are bad parents.  Not at all.  This is just my personal reflection, realization and choice after being able to open my eyes with an alternative to occassional spanking.

Let us say motherhood has changed me and my views about child rearing and about life in general.  And I know it is for the better.  Especially for Little Spanish Pinay whom I live for together with my husband. I feel really positive about it and it makes me feel a better person than I was.