Ok. Not just nearly. I did break down once last week. It's tougher than I thought it would be. The daycare thing. Yes, the daycare thing.
The first 2 days have been fine as Little Spanish Pinay stayed there for only 2 hours. There were no tears. Only serious face. Then another 2 days of 3-4 hours. Starting Wednesday last week, the crying has started. She'd tell me in the mornings that she doesn't want to go to daycare and it breaks my heart. It scratches my soul.
The hardest part is when I see her trying to stop her cries everytime we arrive to the daycare. She doesn't cry out loud nor scream nor nothing of that sort. But she has tears in her eyes while she'd tell me "Please mami, I don't want to go." She's trying to be strong but I do feel her anxieties and sadness and that's breaking me apart even more.
I know it could be worse. She's being a really good trooper considering that she didn't have much of the needed adjustment period. But every morning that she'd plea not to go to daycare, I get a big knot in my stomach.
I know people tell me that it'll be good for her as she will learn a lot of things from there, etc... but that is where the hardest part comes in. I am not really one of those who believe that toddlers need to be in the daycare to learn certain things or to learn how to socialize with other kids, etc. And so the more that it gets harder for me to accept that she has to go.
For me, daycares are not a necessity for kids but more of a necessity for parents - for working moms like me. And that's where the guilt really rubs me off.
I am very much aware too that it won't help if I dawdle with these thoughts but I can't ignore either that it's taking a toll on me. "It's tough to be a parent" is an underestatement. And all the more that it gets tougher when parents are strained by their limited resources or choices to be able to give their children what they know is best for them.
Oh well, I know Little Spaish Pinay will be more than fine. It's tough but this too, shall pass.