Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I'm not a part-time mom

I don't like labeling. But let's admit it, in this world, things or events or occupations and just about anything has to have their names, otherwise, it'll be a complete chaos or texting would really be tiring. 

Imagine everytime you need to mention your job, you'd have to say,  I take care of  keeping and inspecting the financial accounts of a company.  Instead of just saying I am an accountant. 

You get the jist.

But when it comes to motherhood or being a mom, I am uncomfortable about the terms full-time mom for moms having the privilege of being able to spend their 24x7 with their kids to mother them. If they are full-time moms, what does that make someone who has an 8-hour job? A part-time mom? 

No, ma'am.

I work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week (and sometimes a few hours on a weekend) but while I work, that doesn't mean I stop being a mom. Jobs can be full-time or part-time. Full-time if you work at least 40 hours a week. 40 hours because that is what's (theortically) just necessary for someone to do his work duties according to their job description and according to (in general) labor's law (at least to most countries I know). Part-time if it is anywhere less than that because someone else (another part-timer) would replace you in order to fill up with the remaining time in a week or in a day necessary for the same job to be done.

But what is the schedule needed to be completed for a mom to be considered full-time? When I am at work, I don't cease to be a mom. Being a mom is not a role for me that can be removed and set aside while I sweat my forehead to bring home bread. When I am not with my child, I am still her mom. Even when she gets married and move out our house, I'll be her mom. When I am not with her, she is still my responsibility even if someone else is caring for her in my absence.  My day job? I am only responsible with the databases when I am on duty... otherwise, if there's any problem that would occur, I'm not required to do anything or work, so to speak.  Being a mom is not like a job or profession where you can forget about being so when work schedule has ended.  So no, I beg to disagree that one is a full-time mom and then others would fall into the part-time mom category just because we leave the house to earn a living.

I'm not criticizing moms that use the term full-time moms being when they are stay-at-home moms as this term is not something they invented.  The term has just been there and I am 100% for sure it's not being used to mock working moms like me.  But nonetheless, it does make me reflect on what does that imply about moms who work.  Call it being guilty?  Maybe I am guilty that I spend time working isntead of being with my child every minute she needs me - just like how I'd imagine myself doing in my perfect world - and so hearing another mom declaring she's a full-time mom gives me that defensive feeling? I don't know but I just strongly believe it isn't fair.   More than a profession or a vocacion, motherhood IS relationship with your child and that relationship is not and cannot be "temporarily stopped" while one is not with her child to do her way of helping with the house bills.  So it can never be part-time.
I am a mother. Full-time and for a lifetime.  Period.


17 comments:

  1. Being a full-time mother is one of the highest paying jobs..... since the payment is pure love." -- Mildred B.Vermont

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  2. @lelay - that is very true sis...then again, see... the part I question is the addition of "full-time" in the word mother. What does full-time there indicates? What about working moms? They don't get paid with full love kasi they are not full-time? Hmmm

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  3. Amen! Being a Mom never stops even if you need to work outside the home. I am very blessed to stay at home with Little Bit. Do I spend every waking hour enriching his life? Nope. Sure don't. I drag him along while I buy groceries. I let him play by himself while I do laundry. I feel the same guilt as you sometimes because I don't make any money to add to our household. Grass is always greener I guess ;D

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  4. i always use full-time mom and stay-at-home mom term because i'm not working and mom who works always use working mom. that's what i notice. =) I guess full time means “more time with your child”.

    but i do agree that being a working mom doesn't mean they are a part time mother because we will always be a mother wherever and whatever we do.

    we have our own choice. being a stay at home doesn't mean that we are better than working moms and vice versa. we should not compare because i salute all mothers. it is not easy to be a mother, it entails a lot of work.

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  5. @SocialStudiesSoubrette - when can we ever stay without this mommy guilt right? we alwaays have this guilt with us. but there's only thing for sure... stay-at-home or working mom, we all do our best for our family :)

    @michi - I guess it is inevitable to use the term full-time mom. I wonder though, why is there not such a thing called full-time wife? :-D

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  6. labeling can be rather harmful and generalizing one another is not the way we ought to think or relate to one another. whether you are a working mom or a stay at home mom, you are a mom and that is - for a lifetime.

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  7. Agreed. Same goes for being a full time wife...coz anything other than a full time wife i.e. part-time wife is basically a...well I can't say that here since it's a family friendly blog =)

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  8. My mom stopped working when she had kids, though i've never heard her addressed herself as a full time mom. When asked before she would say she's a housewife - i don't hear a lot of women use this term anymore. I'm not sure if there are a lot of moms who prefer or have to work or they want to put more emphasis to being a "mom" rather than a "wife". But you're right, once your child is born, you are now a mom or a dad for that matter - FULL TIME!

    Working or staying at home does not define what kind of parent you are, in my opinion, it is the love, care, protection, rearing (and the list goes on)that a parent gives to their child that counts.

    I read this somewhere:
    The phrase "working mother" is redundant. ~Jane Sellman

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  9. Our society is obsessed with categorizing and labeling people. If we don't have you pigeon-holed, we don't feel good. I agree that just because I work full-time (I'm a teacher), doesn't mean I stop being a mom.

    I can see that SAHMs are striving for a better, more-fitting term for what they do. I also agree that I don't think they mean to demean moms who work outside the home, however, I don't think "full-time mom" is the best term for them, nor is it flattering to us.

    Some of us really DON'T have a choice. I am the majority breadwinner in my family and my husband has not been able to find a job that could support us without my salary. Child care is not a factor as both of my kids are school-age.

    Thanks for the thoughtful post.
    Jenny

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  10. That is so true, there is no such a thing as part-time mom! I don't like labels at all. "Working moms", "Part-time moms", "Stay at home moms", "Working at home moms", ... they are all MOMS!!!

    I believe that nobody likes to be labeled, specially mothers. In my case, I don't like when people assume that I don't "work" just because I stay home with my daughter. I DO work, I just don't get paid for it.

    We are all mothers trying to do our best to raise our kids!

    Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and leaving wonderful comments. I'm glad we found each other through VB! I'm your new follower!

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  11. I just think whether you work outside the home or not, you're still a mom. Whether your child is 5, 20, or 40, you're still a mom. I just think the labeling shouldn't have to do anything with your ability to be a mom and always be a mom. But foremost, I'm a mom first and my other professions later.
    Love your post :)
    Barbara

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  12. nicely said, girl! but i guess, the term is not the real issue, but what we are, really, for our children and what our children are for us.. even if we stay with the kids the whole day but our minds are on to something else, that wouldn't be considered mothering full time.. left you a KI$$, girl! hope to get something back, thanks!

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  13. Yup, being a full time mom is the most rewarding job. I think there's no such word as a part-time mom (has anyone using it?), what i am aware of was the word "working-mom" and i'm proud of it balancing these jobs.

    Sis, if you have time, pls do visit: http://www.mommytots.com/2011/08/kool-aid-experience.html Thanks! =)

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  14. Saying that one is a part-time mom is simply wrong. When you're a mom, you are one every minute of your life henceforth. You can't say you're going to take a day off from being a mom, because you still are a mom, even if for instance, you and your kids are physically apart.

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  15. hi, i've tagged you on this post

    My 7 Links Project
    http://michiphotostory.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-7-links-project.html

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  16. I agree that we are all moms, all the time whether we work outside the house or not. Our children are and always will be our responsibility until we leave this earth. Good Post :)

    Here's a link to a post about moms and working outside the home or not. http://bit.ly/nHM0jo

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  17. i super agree sis. doesn't mean when we are at work, we stop being a mom!

    super nice post!

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