Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A Woman Wonders

As a woman, I often wonder in awe about how women, at some time of their life, would have this immense need and want to have a baby of their own. It's as if their womb is calling and pleading for a new life to cradle. I know I don't speak for every single woman out there but I am sure that I speak for many, many women out there.

The most wonderful thing is that every woman knows the difficulties that getting pregnant would bring not to mention the actual birth giving, and yet, the desire for becoming a mom is much, much stronger than any fear of sufferings due to child bearing and giving birth. Talk to women who are already moms... talk to them about hardships during pregnancy and the immediate answer will be, Everything's worth it.

Being a woman and a soon-to-be-mom myself, I do understand this need, this wanting and this feeling for the little life that is yet to be born. There is no logical explanation about it, though. It's just something so marvelous that always keeps me in awe every time I think about it.

Last night was one of the hardest night for me. I'm being troubled by back pain everyday even before getting pregnant due to my scoliosis. And now that I'm pregnant, the pain is much worse. Most probably due to the additional weight that my back has to support due to my growing tummy. But last night was especially difficult. I could find the right position for me to be able to sleep comfortably. By the second, the pain is getting intense. I tried to endure it but I just couldn't... with growing frustrations, I suddenly burst into tears. My hubby was awaken and was so worried. He started giving me back massages until I felt a little bit better. I was still in tears when I tried to lie down again to see if this time I can get some sleep. I suddenly felt my little one gave me a subtle kick once, and then again. I chuckled in between sobs. I feel like my little one is telling me "I'm sorry mami, I'm giving you this pain". I caressed my tummy assuring my little one that there's nothing to be sorry about, mami is just a cry baby. I was in pain and will be in pain for some time but I am not suffering because of it. I am gladly and willingly undergoing all these physical pains for my little one. I will cry a river from time to time but it's just a way for me to somehow exhale the pain... My tears are only for the physical pain. My face may frown and may twitch because of discomfort, but inside, I am in a bliss.

I've got the most wonderful blessing I so desire and this physical hardships is nothing at all compared to the greatness of joy and fulfillment of being a mother.

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