Tuesday, July 5, 2011

I am a selfish mama

We were invited for a 2-day fiesta celebration in one of the small towns here about 40minutes drive from where we live.  This was the same fiesta we attended a year ago where I have heard too much of "you are spoiling her by taking her in your arms every she cries and breastfeeding on her demand" and "she'll take advantage of you from now on and forever" and "she will never become indpenedent".  I wrote about that here.  As usual, there were many people in the fiesta and although Little Spanish Pinay have already met these people when she was about 2 months old, they are still all strangers to her.  When we arrived at the place, all people started crowding on her to see her, greet her, baby talk her, etc.  At the beginning LSP got a little too uncomfortable and scared about these people hovering over her and so she clung on mami for her dear life.  Someone started to yell. step back, people, you're scaring her!! Then one by one they started to relax and just let Little Spanish Pinay get used to the place and breathe fresh air.

Our Little Spanish Pinay is very sociable in general but she would need time to get used to the people and she would need them to be gentle and not come along quite strong on her. After a couple of hour, LSP was already comfortable and has started to talk and play with different people.  She was enjoying all the attention from many people.  She would even take a person's hand and would ask him/her to go out with her.  Because she loves to be outside and mami prefers to stay inside and eat, she'd go from one person to another and see if someone will take her outside.  She was a complete doll!

And then everyone's buzzing about how lovely she is, how independent, how funny, how sociable - everything good but a spoiled toddler.  I never changed my parenting way on her.  She still gets to be carried everytime she fussed.  We breastfeed on demand.  We co-sleep.  I did everything people say that will spoil her.  Not to agree on the spirit of contradiction but because that's what my instinct has told me to do.  Every tear that my baby shed tears me apart and I can't help no to attend to her.  Even if that meant going to the bathroom to pee carrying her on one hand and doing everything else with the other.

Watching her going out of the door, talking to different people, playing with then-strangers-to-her-a-couple-of-hours-ago, makes me a really proud mom.  Proud because she has proven everybody wrong and she has proven that love can only bring something good.  An attended child with every second requested is and will never be converted to a "spoiled" child.  As what I always tell people - only unattended food gets spoiled.  The someone spoke her mind out loud and said "Look how independent and jolly she is now... who would've have thought with the way she cries before".  I glanced at the person and just smiled.

There goes my social butterfly making her conversation to people

I hate stereotyping and I hate it even more when given to an innocent baby or child. 

As proud as I can be, I also kind of felt a slight pang in my chest while seeing her spending lots of time alone with other people.  She seemed to have completely forgotten her mami.  And there goes my selfish me.  I like her attention to be all just for me.  I want her eyes on me.  I want those full of admiration and wonder look just for me.  She's becoming more and more independent in her little ways and I didn't realize I would feel this weird.  I was happy and proud of her but I got this little lump in my throat.  My chest was getting filled with a mix of happiness and my-baby-doesn't-need-me-much-anymore sentiments.  I went outside and deliberately showed myself to her to see if she'd run towards me the moment she sees me.  All I got was a glance and a sweet smile then back to her business.  I was stabbed right in the middle of my chest. 

Now it's not just mami(or papi) that can make her squeal with happiness and excitement

How tough it is to be a mama.  But at the end of the day, I know there's only one she'd be looking for.  There's only she'd want to cuddle with and fall asleep with.  And that's me, her mami.  I for sure this will go on at least while we are breastfeeding.  Sometimes I am already imagining the end of our breastfeeding and I already start to feel nostalgic about it.


  1. I really wish people would keep their opinions on our parenting styles to themselves! We know our kids best!

  2. I always thought that since my youngest is growing up with a yaya, unlike my first two, he would somewhat prefer her over me. Though every time I'm around he calls out my name and looks for me and comes to me instead of his yaya. That just shows that no one will ever take the place of a mother...

  3. whoa! first child seems very lucky in terms of almost everything! we tend to become a spoiler coz we just want to give the best, ryt? in my case, everyone else were saying that its time to have my 2nd child and not spoiled him taking too much attention from us.

    but... i am enjoying my toddler too much that i wanted to focus only at him at this time...hehe

  4. Mother's instinct is still the best parenting. I listen to other people but do what I think is best for my daughter.

  5. @Shell - you can say that again! Thanks for visiting my site :)

    @swoosh - thanks!

    @Joy - I should always bear that in mind... no one can replace a mother. I'm just a jealous mom (in a healthy way) :-D

    @Einz - Yeah, we do want the best for our children of course! But I really don't want to use the word spoil because I don't believe they'll get spoiled with too much attention ;-)

    @The Twerp and I - You nailed it!

  6. I love the photo wherein your lovely little one is having conversation...so cute! you captured the moment! love it!

    happy blogging:)

  7. So cute, she's definitely having fun!

  8. Nice to see LSP growing. Cant wait for Gab to grow fast as well.

    One book says, you cant spoil a baby. They need feel safe when they cry. But a 2 yo may think differently already.

  9. I'm with Shell. No two kids are alike and so are our parenting styles. We know our own children best.

    Cute pics!!

  10. she's so cute!:)


  11. I hate it when people seem to question my parenting style. Mom's know what is best for her child. =) Just look at her and you'll know you've done a great job.

  12. well said mommy. i used to do all that you did... now that my kids are bigger, we still enjoy a bond that i know came from being exclusively breastfed and being there for them especially during their infancy years.. :)

    dont mind the other people... just do what your heart tells you, God has blessed you with a mother's instinct and mothers know best! :D

  13. You are a very nice and sweet Mami! I agree with you and I hate "stereotyping", it may not work to other moms but it works for us do what you think works for you. I breasfed my son 'til he was 14 months old and never did try bottle because he refused to have one. He is a healthy 7 year old now. I still reminisce the days when he was just a baby. I enjoyed every moment of it! Niced blog!


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