Wednesday, March 30, 2011

On The Floor



... is where my mood is right now.   Little Spanish Pinay is already recovering from the stomach virus she got but still having discomforts with diarrhea.  It may take a few more days.  So she's still fussy sometimes and all needy for mami.  She's all the more clingy and complains for something even if she's already in my arms.  I feel like I failed on something for allowing her to get sick and not able to give her what she wants and needs right now.  She'd ask to be nursed but then all of a sudden would fuss because of something I can't understand. She's clearly telling me something but sometimes I just don't know what to do.  And that's where the feeling of failure comes in and drops my mood down to our hardwood floor. 

See, motherhood is not just all about ribbons and shiny hair, rainbows and butterflies, tickles and giggles.  I completely know this but still, I am left stumped during those sad times.

And I get my poor husband worry about this mood going south.  He sees me with a long serious face going around the house.  And worst is that I don't feel like talking... I'm kind of tired to talk and have a dirty hair for not showering my hair for two days now since I don't want to spend more time in the shower with LSP crying for mami.  I know, I know dirty hair doesn't have anything to do with this but hey, can't blame a girl for getting even sadder for having a dirty hair, can ya?  And blogging is not talking... it's just like thinking while letting your fingers move like when you're feeling uneasy or bored and you tap your fingers in an unconscious rhythmical way, yeah?

But we are still able to talk... we always talk and that is what I love about us.  He knows my worries and he has been giving me his words of encouragement.  With the little mood I have to talk plus the messages we exchange through phone ::while I nurse and put LSP to sleep:: (again, typing on the phone is not talking so it makes me able to let him know what's going on in my mind),  he at least understands why the long face and not worry about not being able to help me or me not opening up to him.

This is also one of those days that I'd wish all the more that I could be just a full-time mom to not mind about work stress and still have enough money to pay off the bills and to send back home. Then again, I just can't complain... really, I have no face to complain and don't want God to get tired of me complaining and asking for more.  ::I'm saying that out loud, my Lord, ok?  So please don't tag me as an ungrateful daughter of Yours ::

Then the weather today didn't help at all.. it was cloudy and was drizzling the whole day.  Sigh.

Oh, and just when I am about to be ready to print LSP's birthday invites and bought two sets of generic cartridges, the printer seemed to have stopped working and couldn't recognized by both our laptops.  Drat. Laptops couldn't recognize the device no matter how many times I have re-installed the driver.  It really was about to complete my gloomy day and send my heart to tears but then it suddenly worked again after I unplugged all the wires and changed the USB cable.  Fate took pity on me.  This could be a good sign.

Now I have to excuse myself to get some sleep and hopefully get more energy to pick up my mood that's been lying down the floor.  I'm off tomorrow so yay for that!


I'm leaving a photo of sunrise at Manila Bay here to balance the sad tone of this blog entry.  It's like looking ahead for a better and sunnier tomorrow which for sure, will be.  Plus the thought of Manila brightens me up... I just have so many happy memories back home and knowing that soon, the three of us will  be visiting Manila... puts a smile on me that somehow breaks the long face.

Ok, ta-ta for now.

photo credit:  http://www.aaronsimmons.name/?page_id=130&g2_itemId=1783

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